Yesterday night, I was leaving a wedding. I had noticed this woman sitting outside the building all day (I was in the wedding so had been there literally all day). It was obvious she was homeless. It appeared as though she had no one to turn to. When I was leaving the wedding I was leaving in full on pain, hurt, and feeling rather pissed – and the best part, the person that caused all of that was my ride home. Then, I saw Farah again. Seeing her snapped me out of myself and before I knew it I was talking to her and getting to know her. She looked so small and fragile – and who did she tell me cares for her? Jesus. She knows that the God of the universe has not left her or forsake her – and she is freaking homeless. I just had a minor heartache and got mad at God. Wow, talk about reality and perspective check.
After that lovely realization, I felt freer to listen to her – I wanted to hear her and learn whatever I could from her in a few short minutes. As we were talking all I could think is what on earth do I have with me that I could give her that would actually help? And it kept coming to mind – my blue flannel shirt. But, wait – that is my favorite flannel that I wear all the time?! Really – yes, really I couldn’t deny that it was all I had to give her and I knew it could be replaced. Farah ended up not taking it because it clashed with her red skirt she felt, which then had me laughing – as I am a fashionista after all. She has a routine and wanted to stick to it she said (we wanted to give her a night in a hotel), and she told us she felt loved even by the conversation.
I sit here today and remember Farah. Is she perfect and without sin? No, but she helped me last night. If she can be where she is and still fight to believe that God is good, not withholding good, supplying all of her needs – then, me with the sad heart today, also can rest assured that though this is a very real feeling – I will be okay. The God of the universe loves me, Brittany Hayes, whole heartedly because of Jesus alone. And even better, He is far more committed to me and my good than I ever could be. He sees the whole picture; I only have my vantage point – and remembering that gives comfort to my soul. I know this is better – for both involved.
So, today with the help of the Spirit, I fight to rest – and yes, it is a good sweet rest that has already been made mine, but there is also an active fighting to stay in that rest. I am my beloved’s, and He is mine – that is right where I belong.